In breaking news, the Catholic Church in India has launched a crusade against tax evasion.
One is tempted to ask whether they checked first with head office. But, stranger and stranger, apparently the jihad comes with the blessing of the Pope.
“The Catholic Church in India is awaiting directions from Vatican, which is all set to release the encyclical, said to be the most authoritative directive a Pope can issue. Pope Benedict XVI, who is known among the Church hierarchy as the thinking Pope, gave shape to his second cyclical during his recent vacation in Northern Italy, according to reports appearing in Vatican media.
According to the London Times, the pontiff will denounce the use of “tax havens” and offshore bank accounts by wealthy individuals, since this reduces tax revenues for the benefit of society as a whole. Independent estimates put such evasion at nearly $12 trillion. Father Anthony Charanghat, director, Catholic Communications, Archdiocese of Bombay, said, “We will begin campaigning against tax evasion and tax havens of the world.”"
Where to start with this one. Pope Benedict is “The Thinking Pope”? An encyclical has a shape other than, well, circular?
But let’s not beat about the burning bush and go straight to the bottom line – the pontiff will denounce the use of tax havens and tax evasion. Good on His Holiness. After all, if anyone should know about such things, it’s the Vatican.
Perhaps the Church is getting onto the front foot to ward off a challenge to its own tax-free status. The EU has called the Vatican in for questioning over its exemption from property taxes in Italy. They would want to be careful. They may receive an offer they can’t refuse.
Churches around the world have always sought to exempt themselves from tax. There is no doubt that most of them contribute to their communities through good works and they do pay indirect taxes on their candles, robes and wafers. But taking an ethical stance on tax avoidance puts a church on a slippery slope that leads downs the hill of cant and into the sandpit of hypocrisy.
Speaking of which, legend has it that L Ron Hubbard once said to a few of his science fiction writing buddies, “The best way to get rich is to start your own religion”. He might have added, “and never pay tax again.”
Is the Church of Scientology a church? Apparently that depends on where you live. It is if you live in the US, Tanzania, Zimbabwe or Australia. But not if you live in Germany, France or Belgium.
Some prominent Scientologists have an ambiguous attitude to paying their own tax. But that may be more a genetic than a religious position.
Church or not, you certainly can’t accuse the Co$ of being uncommercial. To get to Operating Thetan Level 9 (don’t ask) costs more than US$350,000. In line with Ron’s original charter, Sciencefictionology is probably more a global franchise than a religion. Perhaps Starbucks should take that symbol and apply for official pagan status. They could reinvest the tax savings into hiring decent baristas.
Speaking of wacky religions, Mitt Romney, the US Republican presidential candidate, happens to be a Mormon. One of his platforms is to cut taxes. Has there ever been a Republican who promised to increase them? Apparently, tithing is a different matter. If he didn’t already have the Mormon vote locked up, he could always promise to cut the tithe. The Catholic Church has a cute name for its tithe, Peter’s Pence. Sounds so tiny.
The Vatican says in its defence that, like other charitable institutions, the profit it generates is used to help the poorest and weakest in society. The uncharitable response would be to say that they would say that wouldn’t they.
Another example of the swampy commercial ground occupied by the church is Sanitarium. The breakfast food company is owned by the Seventh Day Adventists and therefore, guess what, doesn’t pay income tax. No doubt its tax-free profits are used to help the poorest and weakest in society. However, using Brett Lee as the front man for Weet-Bix possibly sends the kiddies a mixed message when it comes to kindness, tolerance and empathy. At least Sanitarium’s foods are healthy. And perhaps we shouldn’t be too hard on the churches that sell us stuff. Some of their products are outstanding.
Meanwhile back in India, to launch their crusade, the Catholic Church could enlist the help of the local eunuchs. This creative solution adopted by the state of Bihar involves sending a bunch of eunuchs (what is the collective noun for eunuchs?) into the shops of recalcitrant taxpayers to sing and play their tambourines and finger cymbals until they cough up. In return the eunuchs receive a 4% cut. Ahem.
Of course, one way to solve this whole messy Church/state taxes thing would be to convert to Islam. In his latest video, which is nothing less than an election pitch direct to the American people, Osama bin Laden offers a tax cut promise that makes Mitt Romney’s look positively wimpy. I quote:
“There are no taxes in Islam, but rather there is a limited Zakaat [alms] totalling only 2.5%”
That’s more like it. A 2.5% flat tax for all. Even Jamie Packer and the Vatican should be able to live with that. Although it might put the eunuchs out of a job.
