BabbelOn is proud to announce the launch of a new trophy. A little off-season contest to keep football fans amused while we await the arrival of late summer and the smack of leather on acrylic.
The rules are simple. Points are awarded for acts of public, drunken stupidity committed by professional footballers who are theoretically hard at training. Just what some of them are training for is a valid question.
Be that as it may, over the summer young men with too much time, money and testosterone will vainly attempt to keep the cork in the bottle. When it pops, the brave men and women of the press will be there to document it and your diligent correspondent will sit in cool judgement, safe in the comfort of the armchair of smug complacency. Ugly it may be but that’s democracy for you.
To add a little parochial spice, the contest will be between the three mighty football codes. The one formerly known as soccer automatically disqualifies itself by playing over the summer.
Round 1 – Rugby Union
Western Force players Scott Fava and Richard Brown were fined ($11,000 and $5,000 respectively) and ordered to perform community service after a team bonding session on Rottnest Island went wrong, resulting in public drunkenness and, quote “quokka throwing”.
Fava’s mea culpa was almost poetic in its clumsiness. One can assume that having to write it was part of his punishment:
“I interfered with quokkas in fascination of our icon, not to be cruel, not to show off in front of my teammates, and definitely not to hurt them,” Fava said. “But whether sober or drunk, they should not be touched. I apologise profusely for being intoxicated and thus being clumsy in returning a quokka to the ground.”
It’s worth reading again. Trust me. Returning a quokka to the ground? Scott, do us a fava. Eye-witness reports had the quokka being thrown by the tail 5 metres. The reference to an icon must have been inserted by the Western Australian Tourist Bureau. The Force boys certainly put Rottnest on the rugby map.
Score 10 points. Bonus points for Fava having played for Australia, being a repeat offender and an extra one for having the saddest Movember mo attempt ever recorded. BabbelOn has seen quokkas with better tashes. Total points 13.
Round 2 – AFL
Not to be outdone, the Kangaroos kicked off the off-season in style. Three players, Aaron Edwards, Shannon Grant and Hamish McIntosh, “clashed with security after a wild night of drinking at the A Day On The Green gig at Scotchmans Hill winery. Police were forced to use capsicum spray on Grant while Edwards lay unconscious, after knocking back bottles of wine, News Limited newspapers said.” Ah, where would we be without News Limited?
To be fair to the players, this was no ordinary gig. On the other hand, it is reasonable to assume that this was the first time capsicum spray has ever had to be used at a Lionel Ritchie concert.
Could it get any more embarrassing? Well, surprisingly, yes it could. Shannon’s family was with him at the concert and his father managed to get capsicum sprayed by the police.
Edwards has priors, including being caught on police phone taps in 2003 talking to convicted drug trafficker Shane Waters. Unbelievably, in a profile published on AFL.com on the same day as he was arrested, Edwards had vowed he was “just going to focus on my football”.
The Kangaroos have certainly set the bar high for the 2007/08 off-season.
Score 15 points. Bonus points for Shannon being an All Australian and Edwards’ priors. Total points 17.
