Wildly Exciting Is Our Normal

It is an axiom of marketing that generic products are the most heavily advertised.  And, it would seem, the more generic the product the greater the hyperbole.  Brand differentiation BabbelOn understands it is called in the trade.

One of the drawbacks of hyperbole, however, is that it can attract the eagle eye of the regulators, staid old munchkins that they are.  So, best to exaggerate qualities that are not readily measurable, like, say, wildness and excitement and, even, normality. 

“Wildly exciting is our normal” is an actual phrase BabbelOn observed on a consumer product apparently available in a number of western democracies.   

The product in question is not lingerie or triangular blue pills.  Vodka?  Holidays in New Zealand?  Not even close.  In fact, colder than a Kiwi vodka.

BabbelOn offers curious readers a clue.   

“Enter a world of botanical bliss” the label goes on to promise.  Orchids?  Herbal remedies?  Not quite but getting warmer. 

 ”… and unleash the power of your naturally beautiful hair.”  Of course.  Obvious when one thinks about it.  Hyperbole and beauty products have gone hand in hand since the Ponds Institute made its Nobel Prize winning breakthrough in hand cream research. 

Now that we are all on the same bottle, BabbelOn invites shiny haired readers to settle back and luxuriate in the marketing glow. 

“Embracing you like a meadow of fresh flowers … “  This sounds to BabbelOn uncomfortably like a scene from an M Night Shyamalan film.   The one where nature turns nasty and trees start hugging humans.   

“… this luxurious shampoo, blended with 100% organic botanicals …”  BabbelOn pauses to ask, perhaps rhetorically, what exactly is an organic botanical?  A quick detour via the INTERNET reveals that it is a plant extract.  An organic botanical is certainly wilder and more exciting than a plant extract. 

A close glance at the small print headed “Ingedients” reveals a number of things that don’t scream organic including: methylchloroisothiazolinone, FD&C Yellow No. 5, guar hydroxypropyltrimonium chloride and sodium xylenesulfonate.  A little further federally funded research allows the BabbelOn Institute to reassure potential consumers that those are all real ingredients, some of which did not give the rabbits eye cancer.  

However, all the unleashing and embracing turns out to be mere follicle foreplay compared to the bottom line.  This particular shampoo “… will take your hair to a place it’s never been before.” 

This is a claim that has BabbelOn googling the ACCC hotline.  Will one’s hair end up in the South Island necking vodka with Swedish backpackers?  Blissfully embracing a stranger’s tonsure in a Mongolian meadow?  Unfortunately, loyal readers, BabbelOn can attest that after years of carefully controlled experiments, the most likely destination is tamely, boringly and normally, down the plughole.