Handy Homeless Hints
April 20, 2009Homelessness is one of the few growing sectors of the economy, if not the actual workforce.
Having made something of a study of the habitats and habits of the homeless, BabbelOn humbly offers some tips for those who find themselves at the mercy of the street.
Location
Anywhere with steady passing traffic is desirable. Corners with wide footpaths, designer shops, fast food outlets and pedestrian malls are ideal.
Pick somewhere undercover, preferably set back slightly so as not to appear too pushy.
Competition for spots is growing all the time, so get out early and stake your ground. Do not be afraid to assert yourself if another HP attempts to move in on your space. However, marking out your territory big cat style is unnecessary.
Marketing
Make yourself visible but not offensive. Give your customers plenty of time to see you so they can fumble in their pockets for change without having to stop or even slow down.
Silly hats can lighten the mood but can also look pathetic. A droopy jester’s hat is always a mistake. An occasional change of clothes can work wonders. Try a fresh t-shirt (cast-offs from the charity backpackers are always a possibility).
Stay tidy, try to wash as often as possible.
A pet can be useful; particularly one with big eyes and a gammy leg.
For your begging receptacle, choose a wide flat cardboard box with a generous landing area, big enough to be an easy target for a moving commuter. Try raising it to an accessible level, even taping it to a pole at hip height.
A cardboard sign is an effective way to advertise your position. Make it legible and simple. Try to come up with an original slogan. Aim for correct spelling and grammar; don’t give the pedants a reason to skip you.
Do not under any circumstances play loud music. Your tastes are unlikely to be congruent with those of your clients.
The Pitch
Avoid eye contact unless a customer looks at you. Do not speak to your clients unless they speak to you first.
On the other hand, if a potential customer hesitates or makes eye contact, it is a good idea to say something; the right word can seal the deal. Try not to mention medical conditions or addictions. A friendly grunt or even a “Hello, I need your help” can do the trick. Always say thank you.
Flirting with secretaries is risky, especially if you have yoghurt stains on your tracksuit pants.
Be careful with the dramatics, they can be repellant. Do not hold out your hand or lie on the ground like a leper.
Finally, whatever you do, try to keep your dignity. Remember this is Australia, not some third world country.
