The Chemtrails Conspiracy

“Para” – from the Greek, meaning beyond.  “Noid” – from the Greek “noos”, meaning mind. 

BabbelOn has not been kidnapped by aliens but it feels like it. 

Having returned to the virtual world, BabbelOn can reveal that not only do chemtrails exist, their existence has been documented by concerned citizen scientists* all over the world.   

Readers with strong constitutions can see for themselves, thanks to the helpfully titled “Educate Yourself” web-site.  A summary of the awful truth is as follows:

What some people had dismissed as mere “jet plane exhaust” (because there are now scores of internet propaganda web sites trying to convince you that ‘everything is well’ and ‘there’s nothing to be alarmed about’ and that unaccountable ‘jet plane exhaust’  plumes are magically being converted into horizon-to-horizon overcasts of “cirrus clouds”!) are dismayed to realize that chemtrails are indeed the toxin-laden aerosols that have been described here and at other web sites since 1998 and they are not being sprayed for any benign or national security reason as the disinformation peddlers would have you believe.

*Or perhaps scientologists

BabbelOn is not making this up.  Fortunately, there is a solution (although it does have some barium in it).  For those who do not want to put their trust in sylphs or prayer alone, there are a number of practical and very reasonably priced “chembusters” available for purchase for as little as $515 (plus postage). 

Reader/citizens prepared to put on their tinfoil hats can also discover the unvarnished truth about aliens (a hoax designed by the Illuminati as part of their plot to create a New World Order), AIDS (with ebola, a bio-engineered disease to control the world’s population; again part of the NWO plot) and who was really behind 9/11 (Zionists). 

The brave benefactor behind the Educate Yourself web-site is one Ken Adachi.  He has been active in the paranoos sphere for some years and is busy on his site, blogging and responding to letters from fellow travellers (not all of whom appear insane) and doing radio interviews. 

But here’s the thing that has been keeping BabbelOn awake at night and worrying about losing his noos. 

According to Wikipedia, Ken Adachi

is a Canadian writer and literary critic who was born in 1929 to Japanese immigrants in Vancouver.  Adachi was interned with his family during World War II.  Following the end of the war, Adachi became editor of the New Canadian, and studied English literature at the University of Toronto. 

So far so normal.

He then joined the Toronto Star in 1972 as a copy editor, rising to become editor of the books section in 1976.  That same year, he also published the book “The Enemy That Never Was”, a history of the Japanese Canadian community which was hailed as the definitive book on Japanese history in Canada.

Good for you Ken.  But then a cloud (or was it a chemtrail?) appeared on his horizon. 

Adachi was fired from his position with the Star in 1981 after a plagiarism accusation, although he was soon rehired as a book reviewer and literary columnist.  He remained associated with the Star until 1989, when … 

Cue cellos and sound effects of wind howling through giant aerials …

… after a second accusation that he had plagiarized three paragraphs from a 1982 book review in TIME … he committed suicide.

That’s right, according to the well spring of virtual truth, the Wiki-rock upon which all other sites are built, the father of Educate Yourself topped himself in 1989.  That is not only before chemtrails were first documented but before the INTERNET had been invented. 

After several strong cups of Irish Breakfast and a packet of chocolate coated prunes, BabbelOn has been able to return to the keyboard, albeit wearing a goosebump coat. 

This revelation can mean one of a number of things.  First (or is it firstly?) Ken Adachi faked his suicide in order to continue his works untroubled by the New World Order.  In which case – Brave, brave Ken.   

Second, he was actually taken by aliens (possibly thetans) who opened his mind to the truth which he now shares with the rest of us free of charge (postage not included).  In that case – Wise, brave Ken. 

Thirdly, and most terrifyingly, Wikipedia itself is part of the conspiracy to discredit Ken.  If this is indeed the case, then we are in a lot more trouble than even Ken is telling us. 

Fellow webizens, in these desperate times, BabbelOn can only offer the following advice: plug in your chembuster, buckle up your chakras and remember, only the paranoos survive.

Close Encounters of the First (and Possibly Third) Kind

BabbelOn was happily and industriously mowing his lawn this afternoon when a woman called to him from the footpath. 

“Look up there” she observed, pointing to the sky.  BabbelOn approached her as one would any passer-by looking for a chat.   

“See those clouds?”  The sky was indeed cloudy.

“They’re not normal clouds.  They’re chemtrails.”

Something told BabbelOn this was no ordinary passer-by.   

“Did you see that plane that just flew over?  That’s the 40th one.  They spray chemicals and viruses on us.  People have been coming down with exotic illnesses.  Sixty years ago they said everything would be barcoded and we would have a cashless society.  Now look, everything is barcoded and we are nearly cashless.” 

(More so than last week, BabbelOn wished he had noted.) 

BabbelOn looked at the woman.  She was in her 50’s, not unkempt and was cradling a white poodle.  She appeared for all the world like a normal human. 

“God told me to investigate.  Last Monday at 12.30, I don’t work on Mondays”, she noted helpfully, “I googled chemtrails and I nearly fell off my chair.  Since then, I’ve been warning everyone.  I was hanging out my washing the other day and I looked up just in time to see two of the planes, flying close together with one just behind them.” 

At this point, BabbelOn was torn between a desire to help this poor creature with some sage advice and the temptation to shock her with the truth.  Fearing for the fragility of her mind, he chose the former.     

“You shouldn’t believe everything you read on the INTERNET” BabbelOn offered.  (The fact that BabbelOn was moved to utter such an obvious falsehood indicates just how serious the situation was becoming.) 

“I have done 500 hours research and it’s all there” she retorted.  Sage advice proving inadequate, BabbelOn tried shock tactics.

“You believe that the government is trying to kill us?” 

“You are mocking me” she re-retorted.    

“I am not mocking you.  I just don’t believe you.”  Surely such candour would cause something in her cranium to click?

“Google chemtrails, you’ll fall off your chair.  The first ones in Australia were spotted over the Gold Coast.  Look it up on youtube, it’s all there. ”  She was indeed an INTERNET savvy nutter. 

Feeling that the conversation was reaching something of an impasse, BabbelOn prepared to resume mowing and, in a belated concession to the social conventions, said ”I like your dog.”

“Yes, she’s a sweetie” said BabbelOn’s newest acquaintance as she turned away.  

BabbelOn might have dismissed the encounter lightly, filed away in the experience drawer with the lovely old Jevohah’s Witness who used to pop round for a chat about the impending doomsday, except for what happened next. 

The woman crossed the road and climbed into the driver’s seat of a dark green pantechnicon, shouted something incoherent out the window, and drove away.  The vehicle was like one the CIA would use to house surveillance equipment, in this case big enough to monitor the entire southern hemisphere.  Did she live in it?  If so, it was the perfect vehicle, both physically and metaphorically, in which to pursue a life of paranoid obsession.  It was as if she was the Lower North Shore equivalent of Howard Hughes. 

And what of her claims? 

Up next:  “The Chemtrails Conspiracy”